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Image via Flickr/ DafneCholet

I’m having a baby tomorrow. I’m having a baby tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will wake up (assuming I’m able to fall asleep at all tonight, which, based on my current anxiety level, doesn’t seem likely), head to the hospital, and eventually emerge with another member of our family.

Why, yes, this is me, wringing my hands, desperately trying not to panic.

Theoretically, we’re prepared. The car seat is installed, the crib is up, he has clothes to wear, diapers to soil, and his big sister has a Big Sister bag ready to go with treats and trinkets to keep her occupied in the waiting room.

It’s me. I’m not prepared.

Once I hold my son in my arms, all of my fears will dissipate, just like they did when I laid eyes on my daughter for the first time.

What should I do, on this, my last day as the mother of one? Should I spend my every waking hour playing with my 2-year-old, since this will be the last time we can before I have my attention split? Should I spend the day in bed resting, relaxing, and enjoying the sleep I will soon no longer be getting? Should I spend it cleaning? (Ha, yeah right.)

It’s not just the things I will no longer be able to do that are worrying me—it’s also the stage of life I am about to enter for the second time: the newborn phase.

Do I remember how to take care of a newborn? Are changing boy diapers that different and more difficult than girl diapers? What if he has colic? What if he’s too big for newborn clothes, and he doesn’t get to wear all the cute outfits I have waiting for him?

{ MORE: Grab the Tissues and Watch This 10-Year-Old Help Deliver Her Baby Sister }

What if, what if, what if!?

That’s me today. Just a swirl of questions, apprehension and nerves.

Underneath it, I swear, I am absolutely over the moon to meet my little guy  and to finally squeeze him gently and tell him that mommy is here to protect him—something I have wanted to do since finding out about the kidney condition he was diagnosed with at 20 weeks gestation. I also can’t wait to experience labor with my husband by my side this time, not thousands of miles away on a military base in a combat zone. And I am giddy to see how my daughter reacts to meeting her baby brother. Hopefully that goes well. Fingers crossed.

{ MORE: 7 Things You Can Do To Prepare For Your Baby Right Now }

Once I hold my son in my arms, all of my fears will dissipate, just like they did when I laid eyes on my daughter for the first time.

But, right now, on the surface, is mild panic. 



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